One definition of Charity is that it
is the Pure Love of Christ.
In
the Book of Mormon, the prophet Mormon expounds on this virtue when he teaches,
“Charity suffereth long, and is
kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily
provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the
truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth
all things” (Moroni 7:45).
Another wonderful place to learn more about this definition
is in the New Testament. (See 1Corinthians 13:4-7).
Every person wants this kind of pure love to exist within
their marriage.
It is a love that sees the best of each other,
it focuses on the good, and encourages others to do good with cheer and
confidence.
While we easily recognize the need we have as individuals to
receive this type of love, we often find it can be very difficult to bestow
this type of love on others.
The first thing we must do is acknowledge how difficult this
can be and then ask God for help.
According to H. Wallace Goddard PhD., “What work[s] is to
recognize our weakness and beseech God for that divine gift of charity. Rather than tamper with our partner’s soul,
we can throw ourselves on the merits, mercy and grace of Him who is mighty to
save.”
“We are invited to cover (our
partner’s) weaknesses with our charity.
The single most promising marriage-fixing effort is not tinkering with
our partners’ characters; it is in loving, cherishing, and appreciating them.”
President
Joseph F. Smith offers the following counsel:
“We
all have our weaknesses and failings. Sometimes the husband sees a failing in
his wife, and he upbraids her with it. Sometimes the wife feels that her husband
has not done just the right thing, and she upbraids him. What good does it do?
Is not forgiveness better? Is not charity better? Is not love better? Isn’t it
better not to speak of faults, not to magnify weaknesses by iterating and
reiterating them? Isn’t that better? And will not the union that has been
cemented between you and the birth of children and by the bond of the new and
everlasting covenant, be more secure when you forget to mention weaknesses and
faults one of another? Is it not better to drop them and say nothing about
them—bury them and speak only of the good that you know and feel, one for
another, and thus bury each other’s faults and not magnify them; isn’t that
better?”
So how do we move
forward and practice this type of charity each day?
I believe a simple way to do this is In Dr. John M.Gottman’s formula for marital success.
He says that we must spend at least six hours a week on intentional BUILDING MOMENTS in our
marriages.
He breaks it down like this:
The Magic Six Hours
Partings- 2 minutes a
working day or 10 minutes a week
Make sure you know at least one thing that is happening in
your spouse’s life that day.
Reunions- 20 minutes
a day or 1 hour 40 minutes each week
This includes a hug or kiss which lasts at least six
seconds… something which makes it worth coming home to.
Admiration and
Appreciation- 5 minutes a day or 35 minutes each week
Find some way every day to communicate genuine
affection. Say “I love you.”
Affection- 5 minutes
a day or 35 minutes each week
Let go of minor irritations that have built up in the day
and always lace your kiss with forgiveness and tenderness for your partner.
Weekly Date- 2 hours
each week
Just –the-two-of-you-time to ask open-ended questions which
encourage you to turn toward one another.
State of the Union
Meeting- 1 hour each week
A time to evaluate, but not harp on your relationship. Try to answer the question, “What can I do to
make you feel loved this coming week?”
If we can follow this simple six
hour plan each week, we can cultivate charity at the same time we strengthen
our marriage.
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