Can a Simple Couple Council Really Help You Avoid Costly Couple Counseling?

Formal counseling presents a wonderful opportunity to learn and to go.  It can open be a conduit to growth and a building block to healthy relationship behavior.  When only a small bit of tweaking is needed to strengthen an otherwise good relationship, the $150 price tag a session might be more costly than it is worth. 

So how could scheduling 30 short minutes a week override the benefits found in therapy?

A couple council gives each spouse the opportunity to communicate concerns at a time and place which ensures the uninterrupted attention of the other.  When I know that I will be able to discuss something important with my husband at our weekly council meeting, I am not tempted to interrupt the important ball game he is watching to fix a problem weighing on my mind in that moment. 

The idea of holding councils is not new, but quite honestly, I have resisted it. 

I hate meetings!  I find that often there are far too many of them scheduled and far too little gets accomplished as a result. 

However, after reading this week’s material, I have begun to see the value of including an informal but regular meeting into my marriage.  I have begun to understand that this will allow couples an appropriate time to have discussions about topics they might typically avoid.  It will give a couple on opportunity to discuss, define and refine goals and to make plans for the future.  It will give each spouse a regular chance to share concerns about their relationship which have cropped up in the week in a neutral environment.  It will also help establish a pattern of checking in and give the couple a regular opportunity to evaluate the health and well-being of their relationship.

When holding a couple council, here are some thoughts to consider:

The personal righteousness or good intentions of each partner will help the meeting be a success.

Be sensitive to one another's thoughts.

Never interrupt one another.  Let each person have time to share their complete thoughts.

Avoid pushing your own ideas.
Beware of any personal agendas.  Try to honestly determine from the discussion what would be best.

Remember the goal is total harmony and full agreement.

Commit yourself to the idea that whatever is said, will be heard, acknowledged and pondered by you.

While I would never discourage someone from seeking professional help when it is needed, I would encourage and invite couples to empower themselves by committing to participating in a couple council on a regular basis as a healthy relationship practice.

Weekly meetings foster direct, positive communication that addresses concerns at a time when both of you are likely to be receptive. You get to feel appreciated and valued, gain a smoother-running household by coordinating chores, and add romance by planning dates. Issues are resolved and challenges are met before they escalate into crises and grudges. Romance can continue throughout your marriage, but this usually will not happen automatically. - Marcia Naomi Berger