Irritation can be an Invitation

“Appreciating is more powerful than correcting.  Appreciation inflates the tires on which we travel.  Criticism is a slow leak in those tires.” 
H. Wallace Goddard, PhD

We have all been frustrated, stressed out, overworked, and running on an empty emotional gas tank.  I find that in moments like this my level of irritation with others around me skyrockets. 

I cringe when I think of the countless times I have allowed my negative emotions to override the long standing love and care I have for my family in order to blow off the short-lived steam of annoyance and exasperation.

And while it’s uncomfortable to acknowledge that at 40, I am still working hard to get a handle on this strong tendency to be irritated by those I love so dearly.  Maybe it’s because of this ongoing battle, I can recognize the truth of the following statement by H. Wallace Goddard, PhD, in his book, Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage.

“Any time we feel irritated with our spouses (or anyone else for that matter), that irritation is not an invitation to call our spouses to repentance but an INVITATION to call ourselves to REPENT.  We are irritated because of our own lack of faith and humility.” (70, Goddard)

I think this hit me so hard because over the years I have come to realize that the intense frustration I feel at times is a ME problem and not an OTHERS problem.  The only person who controls my feeling and reactions are me.  When I view these moments of vexation as an opportunity for personal growth and change, I am much more likely to choose the higher law of Humility.

So What Can We Do?

Dr. Goddard suggests the following:

We CAN learn to accept humanness and flaws in our partners. 

We CAN laugh at the foibles that bedevil all of us. 

We CAN pray for mercy for ourselves and our partners. 

Because each of us desperately needs mercy, we CAN OFFER mercy to each other.

This is what I want.  I want to offer MERCY to those that I love.  I want to ACCEPT the humanness of those around me because that is what LOVE is.  In order to do this, I need to surrender the pride and expectations I have and embrace Humility in a much more personal way.