The Last Thing on the To-Do List

It’s often difficult after a long day of mothering to have anything left to give to my relationship with my husband.

After an evening of shuttling kids back and forth to activities, planning and making a balanced meal, and staying on top of laundry or the 531 other household tasks that need my attention each night, my energy is usually zapped.  The only thing I want to do is to relax and be still. 

I know that I am not the only one.  My husband has often felt the same way after a long day of working away from home.

Making my marriage a priority is important to me.  Actually, putting it on the very tip-top of my to-do list feels impossible at times. So I knew when I read this quote by Tzvetan Todorov, that he was talking to me.

“To care about someone does not mean sacrificing one’s time and energy for that person.  It means devoting them to the person and taking joy in doing so; in the end, one feels richer for one’s efforts, not poorer.”

In my attempt to effectively manage the rest of our family life, I had lost the joy I feel in sacrificing and loving my husband.  It is a great privilege to love and care for someone else.  It is really something I cherish, but in the drudgery of making everyday life as a mom work, I had thrust this opportunity all the way down to the bottom of the list.  My husband doesn’t ask for much and is very self-sufficient.  He wasn’t complaining at all, but I had lost the opportunity to feel the joy which makes the days richer and more meaningful.

I commit to putting my marriage back at the top of my list.  I have a feeling that if the dishes get done today or the kids making it to every activity this week isn’t going to be nearly as important IN THE LONG RUN as feeling the joy of truly loving their dad and making HIM a priority in my life.

And on the days when I am feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated, I’ll remember the wisdom of these words by Dr. H. Wallace Goddard:

“It takes strength of character to see errors in a partner’s grammar or perceptions and yet resist the temptation to correct needlessly.  It takes godly goodness to see weakness and mistakes in our partners and yet resist the temptation to smirk.  It takes heavenly humility to be proven right and yet to meekly acknowledge that we all make mistakes.”

Remembering this will help me to be gentle with myself and compassionate toward my husband.  And in this way, I can follow the example of Jesus Christ, which is another item which I hope will always be at the top of my TO-DO list.