Not Running Away From Hard Discussions...

After looking at this graphic, we realize that while the Supreme Court’s decision to redefine marriage has made millions of Americans happy, it essentially silenced the voices of millions of more Americans who had already voted to reaffirm the definition of marriage between only one man and one woman. 

As we Americans try to move forward with open dialogue about this heated issue, we will find ourselves in the middle of some uncomfortable, gut-wrenching conversations. 

I almost can’t stand it because it is So Awkward! 

While I value honest discussion, I still get that jittery “fight or flight” feeling when I witness a heated discussion between two people. 

My first instinct is to leave the room, change the channel or scroll down to the next post as quickly as possible. I would much rather we all just get along. 

However, I have come to realize that the more divisive our world gets, the more important it will be to learn to listen and participate in difficult, uncomfortable and awkward conversations.  

In this country over the last two years, we’ve all witnessed heated debates and disagreements in person or online.  What begins as a sharing of opinion, quickly escalates to a word brawl.  We can only assume that these arguments will continue. 

So how do we have a productive discussion of different points of view?

There are actually a few things we can do.

Celeste Headlee, whose TED talk—Ten Ways to Have aBetter Conversation-- has been viewed over 10 million times agrees.  She says it’s high time we get over “our discomfort and wade in” to the tough and uncomfortable conversations.    

Before we start such vulnerable talk, she says we need to remember the following:

1. Don’t try to educate anyone.

2. Don’t pre-judge.

3. Show respect.

4. Stick it out.

This is great advice!

I believe that since you are probably never going to change anyone’s mind, we just need to stop trying to convince each other to change.  It’s important to start a difficult conversation with the knowledge that you’ll both walk away with the same opinion you have now. 

Be prepared to really listen.  Try to empathize with how or why they feel the way they do.  Be respectful by not calling names, interrupting, or talking over the other person.  Give them equal time to share their ideas.

A Trend Worth Paying Attention to?

Just a couple of months ago, the world became fixated by the news that Britain’s Prince Harry, sixth in line to the throne, had become engaged to the American actress he had been dating.  Countless news stories reported the few scant details of what was publicly known about the couple as well-wishers around the world filled the Internet and social media with heartfelt comments of congratulations and joy. 

In a world where the traditional 2 parent family is quickly losing ground as the dominant family structure, this fairy tale announcement was met with universal approval and little if any criticism.  In fact, progressives tended to focus their coverage on two ground-breaking firsts for a member of the monarchy.  His fiancé was both divorced and biracial. 

Despite these firsts, the accepted traditional formula of marriage for British royals remains the same.  Traditional marriage between a man and women prior to cohabitation followed by the expectation of children.  Ironically, in today’s world, this formula has long been discarded by the very subjects Prince Harry presides over.  In Britain alone, there are almost 2 million unmarried couples raising their children together today.

Traditional family advocates have repeatedly raised concerns about the disadvantages children suffer when raised outside of traditional marriage.  However, recently, longtime studies have shown that while there is an increase of violence and a decrease of financial stability in families raised by single parents or cohabitating parents, the overall well-being of the child of a traditional 2 parent marriage is only slightly higher statistically. 

In fact, according to Paul R. Amato, it is almost impossible to blame the family structure for any of the struggles of the children raised in nontraditional relationships.  He said, “Most behaviors are determined by numerous social, cultural, individual and biological factors.  No single variable, such as family structure, has a monolithic effect on children’s development and behavior.”  And while recent studies show an increase in cognitive, emotional and social problems, the difference is so slight, it almost begs to be ignored.  Should it be?  

It’s no surprise that concern about the falling numbers of the 2 parent married family is not found on public platforms. When reviewing the popular opinion-based issues on a well-known website , the only mention of marriage or family in the top 50 issues of our day, is centered on LGBT marriage and family rights.  This seems to reaffirm what we already suspect, that nobody seems to care that the middle class has rejected the traditional idea. So why keep talking or advocating about it? 

Amato and others make a case for caring about such minuscule differences.  They point out that a small statistical percentage becomes substantially larger when viewed from the scale of an entire nation.  When considering that a return to the more stable traditional family structure means that millions of children will be less likely to experience cognitive, emotional and social problems, at the very least, it motivates us to get the discussion going. 

More importantly, a healthy discussion today may also help us better advocate for the future generations who will be affected by the family traditions and structures our culture embraces right now.  When we consider the millions affected today and multiply that number exponentially to account for future generations, the staggering numbers start to look much more serious.  And what is a preferential trend today may become the crisis of tomorrow.  

The Truth About Population Growth

My whole life I have been told that there are just TOO many people on the planet.
Too many children for the amount of resources on our planet. Too many people in the big cities and too many people in the slums. 
However, I always felt torn about this idea because I knew in my own life just how important if felt to be surrounded by a large extended family. How could something so good be so bad for the world and community?
And Everywhere I looked, it seemed like people were making important life choices based on this theory.  They no longer saw the beauty and loveliness which is THE FAMILY. Instead they saw a drain on the world's resources. 
They no longer valued the potential of children and saw THEM as an important resource for the future as their bright souls contributed new ideas to the aging world.
Watching the following video was illuminating and reassuring as it answered some of the questions I had about my own observations of the good of bringing children into the world.